KAYA blog

losing u

2004-12-07T13:47:00.000+08:00

tell me, was i wrong?
i didn't choose to
be born into this world, this life.
forbidden to love.
i should have known.
our difference in status.
our background.our upbringing.
everything.
yet fate had other plans.
to bring us together somehow
even though the distance between us
was as wide as the other end of the world.
but a circle has no beginning or end
we were destined for each other.
the world is round. we finally met.
i finally know why. they say that in love.
even two parellel lines might meet someday.
but just when we were enjoying each other's presence
and making each other's arms our permanent home
we were cruelly seperated.
fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
i was a fool for breaking the rules
and i paid the penalty.
by losing you.

** i think this is even more depressing**
** =( **
** wonder whether there are people in the w0rld that is as sad as this p0em **
** guess it's probably a yes **
** i think the most outstanding line is this...**
** fools rush in where angels fear to tread. **
** maybe only to me.**
** man . i hatee the holidays **
** feelin' all BLUE insideeeee **
** ahhh~ well >.< **

hmmm. look on the bright side?

2004-10-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

die liao, results not good. so suay. got fierce parents. hai. anyway, look on the bright side.

going to juying tomorrow! penguin goin' 2 lend me her discman. yeah. haha. i siao liao.

playin' volleyball at juying. hai. later see my friends get good results. * jeal0us *. haha. hope everything goes well from now on.

hey.. new quiz! but i prefer blue angel leh!

2004-10-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

You're a "Pink Angel". Now, just because
it may be a little bit of a feminin color
doesn't mean you're all girly and whiney.
You're very self-less and love to bring good
news to people because you like seeing people
happy. You have better manners than most and
people love how polite you can be. You're
friends love that they hardley ever get in
arguments with you and can barely get mad at
you! You're friends and family mean so much to
you and it takes more than a fight to break you
away from them. (if you cannot see the pics, go
near the bottom of my homepage and find your
result. look closely to make sure your look in
the right place)

What Color Angel Are You? (ANIME PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Broken heart

2004-10-13T21:27:00.000+08:00

is love really what we need?
love can only inflict pain on me.

my heart has already hardened into stone.
a stone heart that has already broken...
into broken pieces.

i rather keep myself to myself.
never letting people know and hurt me again.

im trying to glue back the pieces of my heart.
will i ever be the same again?

Avril Lavigne

2004-10-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

Avril Lavigne. ^^ this one was also printed!

studying girl

2004-10-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

ANGELA! LOOKS NICE RIGHT?

hmmm, exams are finally gonna end.
left with home econs and maths!
hai, anyway, during the exams period, i was studying too.
yup, wonder whether i can make it but i also did quite a lot of things during the exam period.
on friday, before the monday when exams start, i did go to the photo shop to print photos.
haha, got discount mah then anna was going so i also go print lor.
then i got the photos on monday!
also got sense of accomplishment lah, got Avril, 5566, Angela including this photo, Cyndi, Evonne, Jay, Sweeety, R&B... blahblahblah.
MUAHAHAHA! besides the photos, hmmm, i also got teased by shirley!
HMPH, because of my stupid haircut!
why that hairdresser always like that de?!!
i purposely grow until long long liao, get caught le, say cut little bit then that stupid hairdresser still cut so short!
ARGH! besides that arhh, dont really have things to say...
but now channel U dont have Wan Quan Yu Le le!!
luckily channel U go renew contract with Taiwan then soon, it will be back!!
HOORAY!! -_-"
haha, kay, and i suffered from depression and brain damage from exams blues.
then i really no problem liao.
sayonara!

MONDAY BLUES

2004-09-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

I I WILL NEVER TOUCH NEEDLEWORK FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE AFTER I LEAVE HOME ECONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i suffered a fate worse than death because of home econs okay!!
as if 3 periods in the morning not sian one, still need stay back immediately after school with my friend until 4.10pm leh!!!!
so many hours all because of sewing!!
tomorrow morning also must go back and put that long string to complete making a pouch.
and my pouch is so ugly!
make already also cannot bring out.
people see le sure laugh until stomach pain de lah!!!!
=( dont say le, say also make my blood boil.
somemore recently need to file things and complete projects.
then revise leh!
SO MANY THINGS.
my mother say i must go into 201 next year or else i kana tuition for ALL subjects leh!
ARGH!
not fair leh!
why others so heng one, mother so good.
OMG, MUM COME IN.
SAYONARA.

Just imagine... o.O

2004-09-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

exams are just round the corner and i gotta pull my socks up!
if i dont improve, i will probably just die in the hands of my dear old mother.
=x hai, i already revised all day leh!
i think my brain could have just burst because of a stroke...
AND STILL! I GET A LECTURE FROM MY MOTEHR!!
and i cant go to my cousin's house to get Jay's new cd!
i might have to get a doctor to cure me of my sunday blues >> just dont get tu ran xing gan to cure me.
i will probably get monday blues anyway.
just imagine jumping down a building.
or just imagine me getting killed by my mother.
which is a better way huh?
but after imagining how i will look after jumping down a building, i feel that i dont want to further disfigure my looks --> i look bad enough =(
haha, so i have decided not to jump anyway.
lame right?
*frowns with a broken heart*
i also think i have lost my school file.
which only adds on to the burden and obstacles that are already killing me.
just wish me good luck tomorrow morning and i will be grateful.
well, sayonara!

home econs save the day!

2004-09-12T11:42:00.000+08:00

HI!!
today have home econs project so can tell my mother that i need internet!
muahahahahahaha.
actually i also nothing to say leh.
haha, just wanna blog shuang mah.
so sayonara!

living in hell!

2004-09-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

HI!! i have already hmmm... NOT BLOGGED IN 7 DAYS!
has been so busy recently!
didnt have recess on monday because i had to copy history =p
then immediately after school, i still had to stay back to sew in home economics class and WASTE MY EXTRA TIME!!!
stupid home econs teacher always happy jiu do whatever she likes one.
half the class go home after finishing their sewing then say important things about
what to do on the next day, also stay back to sew and what to sew on the next day.
in the end, so many people panicked cause they never brought their cloth and got scolded by the teacher.
i never bring cloth, cannot sew so go home lor.
luckily, i used my marvellous sixth sense and i decided to bring cloth on the next day.
so i heng lor, never get scolded.
then my poor recess was used up and i had to rush because of the drawings i had to paint of the cloth.
then that teacher also only wait everyone draw halfway then say dont draw upside down!!!
in the end, i wrong but i purposely told teacher that my picture is supposed to be upside down and solved the problem ( hehe, with the help of clarence )!!! =D
lucky i managed finished leh.
i wish i could argue with her but i cant!!!
sia lah... everyone sure celebrate.
ARGH!
then this week also so many tests!
got geography, chinese and science leh!
my mother keep threatening me say she will hire tuition teacher to teach me all subjects.
HMPH. somemore if i manage to do well then got $$$ take leh.
so might as well buck up and try my best lor.
hai, the awful reality of life.
dying girl, sayonara.

selina.hebe.ella

2004-09-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

selina.hebe.ella

xiezhi + renfu

2004-09-12T11:20:00.000+08:00

xiezhi + renfu

sian...

2004-09-10T21:07:00.000+08:00

hmph! im banned from MSN le!!!
T_T all because of my brother lah!!!
now, i can only go in secretly le.
but i usually go online at night one lor!!!
BUT MY MOTHER WILL BE HOME!!!
ARGH!
so i cant be online during the weekends too!
then i cant chat with my friend leh!
cause she can only come online in the weekends while i can only sneak in during the weekdays!
unless my mother attends the stupid talks at my brother's school...
*hopeful smiles*
gosh, and the holidays are gonna end!!
*sobs *
stop here le lah.
ARGH!
life sucks.
sayonara.

Ocean Ou De Yang

2004-09-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

Ocean's picture! so cute huh?

car racing

2004-09-06T17:41:00.000+08:00

MUAHAHAHAHA, spent the day car racing today. (haha, at the arcade!)
^-^ of course, i won, hahaha.
visited ms robert right after jp.
her condo is so nice lah!!
wah -_-"
yeah, watching a movie tomorrow.
+_+ horror movie leh!
hai, scared!!!
hmmmmmm, sayonara~

terrorism.

2005-08-09T15:59:00.000+08:00

TERRORISM

Terrorism, it is something that can inject an element of fear in everyone, something that brings nothing but devastation. I will never be able to forget those brutal armed terrorists hiding behind their ugly masks, who visit even in my dreams. All those gory scenes of bloodshed just play repeatedly in my mind like a broken tape. They kill mercilessly, while the innocent are lost in an instant. All I am left with is guilt. Survivor’s guilt, guilty of being the only one to survive the terrorist attacks in my family. Those memories stained with blood and hurt will leave a mark on my life forever.

Life is really unpredictable. You can never know when your life will end neither will you know when your loved ones will go, to leave you alone to fend for yourself. Before the terrorist attacks occurred, I was still that lively and inquisitive girl, jumping around, observing everything while touring with my family. We were on the streets of London then, with the crowd of unsuspecting shoppers. Who would have known what was to happen? The welcoming flowers and the bright red sun never gave a hint of incoming unrest. Still, the inevitable terrorist attacks came.

Suddenly, as if trouble and woe was to befall us, the sky darkened drastically. Instinctively, we looked up and we saw a fleet of planes pass the sky covering the bright blue sky, covering us under a menacing darkness. I was perturbed and I could see that everyone present were too. I had a sense of foreboding as if something bad was about to happen.

Something did happen, bombings. I thought I got the worst shock of my life as I stared at the bus engulfed in flames. But no, it was not the last. Fear penetrated my heart as I stared. The bus and those innocent lives, simply burning away in flames. It seemed that the bus passengers has perished because screams were not coming from the bus. The thought of this made me more terrified than I have ever been in my life. The silence was frightening me. It was as if my end was near. “Will I die?” I thought. The bus was threatening to explode. People were running, away from danger and away from the arms of twisted death.

“Run.” my father pulled my mother and I away. Hot wet tears that had welled up in my eyes, unrealized, were running down my cheeks by then. “The terrorists are coming!” I could hear gunshots in a distance. The screams came, screams of pain and agony, anguish that one can never imagine. I held my parents’ hand harder and we ran faster, hoping for shelter and rescue. However, Lady Luck was not on our side. Suddenly, my father pushed my mother and I aside.

BANG! In that split second, I saw the expression of pain settling on my father’s face. There was a look in his eyes as if begging my mother and I to run. Then he collapsed, motionless. “NO!” my mother rushed forward. “Mother!” BANG! Another gunshot followed and my mother fell on top of my father. I witnessed the death of my parents in just those few seconds. The experience of watching your loved ones die as the bullet rip through the thin protection of clothes into their flesh, robbing them of their lives, I will never be able to forget. Just when I thought that I would perish with my family, the London authorities came. I was rescued before the cursed terrorist who killed my parents got his hands on me. He died the same way my parents did, shot. My eyes closed, letting darkness fill my world.

I was sent back home and discharged from the hospital a week after the London bombings and attacks. Even after months have passed, I still felt devastated and refused everyones’ help. However, when my uncle broke down mentioning the infinite sorrow he feels, I finally realized that I should try to live my life to the fullest, instead of lamenting my parents’ deaths and be a cause of worry for my uncle, because that is the reason my father wanted to save me in the first place. I do not want to dash my parents’ hopes of being an outstanding daughter that they can be proud of. I am just relieved that the terrorists responsible for the attacks have been caught, preventing more destruction and putting down the tension and fear that people have been feeling.

LOL.
that's my composition.
about terrorism.
*YAWNS*
honestly, i think my compo ending sucks.
find it rather abrupt.
hmmmm.
*in deep thoughts*
i want to write
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
for the last line lehh.
hehh.
=P
but on second thoughts, forget it then.
eehhhhhh, give comments at the tagboard lehh.
ending abrupt a not?
or you got any ideas on how to end it.
*YAWNS*
my eyes weigh a ton.
they are threatening to closecloseclose.
zZzzz...
*head smacks against the keyboard*
OUCHIEEE.
*rubs head*
i ought to jump on the bed and sleep.
but i wanna watch NDP.
and i never had the habit of taking afternoon naps.
anyway.
dont feel like blogging lehh.
today also nothing special.
as for monday arhh, of course got things to talk about lor.
next time lahh hor?
xP
hehehh.
BYE.
*zips off for FOOD!*

lol.
i helped alina looked for a book.
yepp, the whole book is filled with EGG recipes.
-_-"
honestly, ziqian + lynette arhh.
you know my house got a lot of junk de mahh.
you want i help you bring vegetable recipes de books.
vegetable/vegetarian also got lahh.
so easy for me lor.
i got so many thick books on vegetable de recipes.
want a not?
no need go what library or internet de lahh.
*smiles*
aye, im too nice for words.
=P
hahaa.
okay lahh.
BYEBYE.

MOVED

2006-01-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

okay.
RELINK ME
:)
it's already the 4th of JANUARY, you know.
i should have moved like on the 1st of January.
haha. here you go.
KAYA-YAYA.blogspot.com
LOVE <3

oh and by the way.
NOTE TO ZIQIAN.
how can you say that i did NOT update?
I DID I DID I DID!
you better read every single post that i have updated okay!
lol.
and relink me hor.
xD

my final fall.

2005-09-09T18:02:00.000+08:00

PLAYER OF CARDS
___________________________________
she smiles;
to hide her poison sneer.
she waits;
in anticipation of my final fall.
a fool i was;
i became one of her very own cards.
the player of cards;
she shuffled us all with sharp shrieks of delight
torn and tattered;
an abandoned card i nearly became
now i recognise her schemes
and her plots of devilry to bring me down
carefully calculated;
her plots all are
determined to see me perish;
in the complexity of this all
all the more i wont let her;
i will live to see that she never makes through
ultimately;
i shall break through
let's just see who gets the last laugh
or rather the last cackle in her case
___________________________________

fuck.
you're a bitch through and through
instead of just hiding behind
giving people illusions of you as some admirable saint
fight me good and proper
like you dare to
i cant believe that i actually trusted you
when deep inside, you're so hypocritical
complicated character you might be;
i will figure you out bit by bit

i detest you.

boring sunday

2004-09-06T14:38:00.000+08:00

HEY YO! =D

damn.
i didnt get to come online all morning and afternoon all because of a lousy camp.
O.O all my uncle's fault.
he was the one who asked us to go.
i had to wake up super early in the morning.
just to look at stupid stuff.
my father left my mother, brother and i alone.
well, my brother decided to participate in some junior drawing competition
and my mother had to keep nagging away while i just sat down like some idiot.
GOD! i was so irritated.
even the weekends are worse than weekdays.
that's so pathetic, okay.

whatever.
tata.

hmmm. ms robert. =D

2004-09-06T09:03:00.000+08:00

it's just the silly morning right now.
so there's really nothing to talk about.
anyway, im gonna visit ms robert today.
well, i ought to since she's not coming back to teach for the rest of the year.
lessons without her are just downright boring.
but our new teacher, ms lim, isnt that bad.
so i guess we really ought to give her a chance.
gotta meet my friends.

SAYONARA! =D

stupid nose

2006-01-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

OH YEAH.
i have stopped sneezing already.
:D
that's great.

happy birthday to ZIQIAN. =D

2006-01-03T19:58:00.000+08:00

SNEEZE SNEEZE SNEEZE.
EEWWW!
i dont know why my nose is being so super sensitive right now but it's horrible lah.
hmph.

so it's the 3 of JANUARY and we, students, are being thrown back to hell.
poor ziqian. it has to be her birthday today. haha. but still...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ZIQIAN.
WHEEEEEE~ =D
lol. i will write you a friendster testimonial later? =D
hehh.
see, so nice of me~
hohoho.

but besides ziqian's birthday, there isnt really a cause to celebrate.
NOTE: 3E4 seriously sucks.
or maybe it's just me being a complete jerk.
but alina said she regretted appealing for 3E1 and is jealous of me.
whoa. i was really nice to her on the bus when just said "oh, really?" instead of contradicting her you know.
because really, with SOMEBODY(woohoooo) at 3E1, why would she even want to come to 3E4?
yeah, crap.

hmm.
so let's see.
we will start from morning assembly.
FIRST OF ALL, cindy broke her record and got sent to the discipline master by her form teacher.
for tucking out.
for folding her skirt.
for not getting a proper hairstyle as in her fringe is too long.
for wearing striking earrings with double piercing and all.
for wearing colourful hairclips.
and i was laughing at the back.
she deserves it anyway.
told her to take her earrings and hairclips off.
but she told me she wanted to get caught.
still, it works lahh.
she got elected as chairman(though temporarily) by her form teacher.
*rolls eyes*
her teacher got a really complicated name lehh.
haiyoh, his name sounds like rambutan.
=/
cindy and madeleine couldnt even tell me his name.
GOD.
lol.

anyway, the discipline master gave his longer-than-principal speech and finally introduced the new principal to us.
MS LEONG.
at least she doesnt nag as much you know.
the speech that she gave during assembly was kinda fast and short for a principal.
surprise surprise.
she wanted to dismiss us at exactly 2pm, you know.
that's like so sweet.
because my right leg, as usual, was turning numb already.
and the DM just had to say more.
so that we ended up being dismissed late anyway.
>,<" whatever. im supposed to be talking about the morning first. not dismissal time.

we have to bring thermometers tomorrow. *sighs*
okay, after all the freaking announcements and the welcome-back-to-school speeches, we went back to class.
FIRST & SECOND PERIOD.
LITERATURE.
wheeeeee~
since we didnt have our textbooks yet...
we just talked.
the kind of talks that only ms dalina will have.
the kind that makes you feel important or unique or something because we're literature students.
she was saying that we are different and stuff, choosing a complete different path from others by not opting for the georaphy course.
and that people like us are deviants.
whoa. did she have to say that?
gosh, because that didnt make me feel important or anything.
it only made me feel worse.
despite being in 3E4 already, i was and i still am thinking about 3E1.
like, i still feel ALONE and DESPERATE.
yeah, and my father had to add salt to my wounds by saying that literature is pretty useless.
like nervous as i am, how can ANYONE say that literature is useless.
okay, that wasnt the hurting part.
he had to say that i was being silly for not going to 3E1 for the triple sciences course when im 8th in level position.
MAN, cant he show a bit of support?
he doesnt even know a single thing about literature anyway.
hmph. and he didnt get 8th in level position for his studies.
HMPH. in fact, i think he pretty much flunked everything.
anyway, lucky for me, i didnt get abandoned in literature class.
there's kaiting and yining.
phew, like thank god.
and i even got elected as literature rep.
but i could have dug a hole, just jump in and die.
so embarrassing?
ms dalina said that literature students are supposed to be more dramatic or something and called the ones nominated to come up to the front.
see what i mean? embarrassing!
and that's sara, kaiting(hahaha, we sabo-ed each other actually), melissa and me.
standing in front of the class made me feel like some freaky animal being stared at.
and a class that im not even familiar with...*sighs*
like can you believe it?
both alina and i miss junhao despite the fact that he is always shouting out across the classroom all the time.
right now, i wouldnt even mind lending him my homework for copying.
according to ziqian, 3E1 is really dead.
gosh, like being from 3E1 isnt enough.
people there just have to project themselves as nerds or something.
2E1 wasnt like that.
poor ziqian.
poor alina.
poor lihuan.
lol.
okay, back to the literature nominating thing.
OH YEAH.
ms dalina was like we have to choose someone who has INITIATIVE, is RESPONSIBLE and has LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.
god, it sounded and still sounds intimidating.
so sara, kaiting, melissa and i were standing in front of the class.
and each of them said, no, i dont want and BLAH.
leaving me.
so i just said(you know, i think i sounded kinda dumb that time), im CERTAINLY not working alone.
then i got cornered.
*faints*
ms dalina went something like.. karyan, you were saying that you didnt want to work alone. and so if i were to get you an assistant, will you be our literature rep? is that it? are we interpreting you correctly?
and you know.
me. and the other rep is GanJoo(sp?)
like ohmygod.
i dont even know the people in my literature class!!!
X_X
gosh, i cant do it.
just let me die.
*SOBS*
like why is it that ms dalina can always make me feel so er... well, pathetic?
and just by talking and probably arousing emotions and all that.
it's a skill that i wish to acquire.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
then i can make my brother shut up just with the right words and expression.
HAHAHA.
lol.
gosh, i make ms dalina sound like some scary person.
of course she is not, it's probably just me.
and yining said that i blushed.
no freaking way.
>,<
blush?
like me?
*WAILS*
i dont blush.
no, i DONT.
hmph.

i think i will stop here first.
time for tv.
heh.
hmmm.
i wonder how joyce is doing for her first day back at school.
:'(
bet it's a million tonnes better than my day.
STUPID JOYCE.
DID YOU DELETE YOUR BLOG DURING THE HOLIDAYS?
I CANT FIND IT, YOU KNOW?

*SCREAMS HYSTERICALLY*
buhby.

=/

2005-12-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

OH GOD.
i think im gonna have some diverticular disease.
hurts big time.
EK.
i think i should drink more water.
and then just go to bed.

yeah.
and die in my sleep.
yadayada.
go into an eternal slumber and never wake up into this chaotic world.

PAIN.

2005-12-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

ARGH.
*groans*
my stomach hurts man.
*crawls to the washroom and dies*

X_X
oh whatever.
anyway, im going to edit and delete quite a few of my yucky skins.
like the christmas skin i had, i will change the font or something.
then for that picture perfect one, BAH, change the font too and of course change my picture to a higher quality format or something lahh so that it doesnt look pixelated anymore.
BAH.

GAH.
anyone has any idea on how i can make my current layout look better?
seriously, i dont know what colours to use for the font.
im pretty sure it must be a dark/dull colour.
though i dont know what.
i have tried like grey and white and dull purple blue blahblah.
and they dont fit.
=/
or else, i will just redo this skin.
BAH.
honestly, i think the blogskins im making lately look really horrible.
and school is gonna start...
*sighs*

okay.
i gotta run for the toilet again!
AH.

new layout.

2005-12-29T10:10:00.000+08:00

HEYee.
lol.

changed layout.
hmm.
is the colour combination weird?
tell me if it is.
i will think of something else then.
haha.
did this like one week before christmas.
and then ignored it to concentrate on my Picture Perfect skin.
submitted yesterday.
but the picture quality is low according to a zillion people.
so i will edit.
hehh. then i got distracted and decided to work on the current layout that im having now.
LOL.
will submit this in blogskins, i guess.
REALLY REALLY.
tell me if it needs improvements.

yeah.
er.
toodles.
=D

and reminder!
help me choose blogadd.
haha.